Hooray for Independence!

This post is an addendum to Monday's entry. I gave my son the option of attending Freshman Registration by himself or with me at his side. He opted to try it for himself, knowing I was just a phone call and a five minute drive away. He did just fine by himself, and he said it made him feel more responsible handling everything on his own.

A New Focus on Tweens, Teens and Young Adults

Because there is already a lot of information out there about newborns, toddlers and younger children, I'm going to focus more on tweens, teens and young adults. It represents where I am in my life, with two in college and my youngest in high school. It's also a time when the kinds of problems you might encounter with your kids become more serious too.

Whether it's teaching your child to drive a car, helping your kids prepare for college entrance exams or going to bed while they're still out with friends, there are many adjustments we parents must make. As we shift from the caregivers of our young children to the advisors of our teens to the companions of our adult children, we go through many changes. I want you to come to this site to find help in making those necessary adjustments. That said, I will do my best to provide you with meaningful resources and I welcome any comments and suggestions on how to make this site better.

Separation Anxiety - in Reverse

Well, my 18-yr.-old son left for Australia last night, so now the shoe is on the other foot. After all those years of little ones hanging onto my leg and not wanting to let go, it's my turn to worry about my son as he travels to a different continent - heck, even a different hemisphere!

I had a taste of adult separation anxiety two years ago when my daughter went away to college. I was okay up until the final goodbyes, then found I couldn't speak. I held back the tears until I got in the car, then let loose. This September, I get to say goodbye to my son as well, as he heads off to college too, so I guess I should be getting good at it by now. But it takes some courage to send your child so far away.

My one consolation is that I remember so well how much fun I had the summer I was nineteen. I got the opportunity to study in Heidelberg, Germany through my college, Pepperdine University. It was the best summer of my life, hands down, as I got to travel to many countries and experience different ways of life. I will never forget that summer, and I hope my son will have great memories of his time in Australia. My daughter is looking to study in Ireland, and I know my youngest will want to take some type of big trip as well.

It's all a part of growing up, going on these adventures. It's tough on the parents, but it's so educational and so meaningful to the kids, and I hope every young adult gets an opportunity to broaden his or her horizons and go explore the world!

Keeping the Big Picture in Mind

When a baby is born, she is completely helpless. She depends on her parents for her every need. You must feed her, bath her, change her, comfort and entertain her. All this you do gladly, for she is the most precious thing in your life. She is your child.

As she grows she becomes more and more independent. It starts with little things. She learns to talk and walk and is soon getting into everything. She learns to feed herself and go to the bathroom by herself and she most definitely learns the meaning of the word no!

As time goes on, it may seem as though life is nothing but a continuous struggle with your child. She longs for her independence. You don’t want her to grow up so fast. She can’t wait to go to High School, to drive a car, to leave for college. You wish she could just stay this little forever.

Parenting is a tough job. While we start out in complete control of our children’s lives, gradually we must learn to relinquish that control, just as they must learn to take care of themselves. It’s easy to be saddened by this transition. We mourn the days of family outings and togetherness. We see this as an end, rather than a beginning. But that’s exactly what it is – a beginning!

It’s the beginning of your child’s life as an adult. It’s a celebration of all that you have taught your child and all the memories you have helped to create. If you’ve done your job as a parent correctly, your child will be completely independent and able to thrive without you. You can look forward to a new relationship with your adult child. You will have done your job well.