How to Listen to Your Kids

When I think about it, most of the misunderstandings and frustrations I have experienced have arisen from a lack of communication. Either I've misinterpreted what the other person was saying, or I haven't really listened in the first place.

Effective communication is one of the most important tools in your relationship with your child. It can help you avoid unnecessary conflicts and worries. But how do you communicate effectively? One way is to practice active listening.

Active listening requires not only that you listen to what the other person is saying, but you must also ask for clarification so you are certain you understand exactly what he is saying. You do this by repeating his message back to him in a question.

For example, "Do you mean that you don't want to go to the movie today or that you don't want to see that movie ever?"

Try active listening today. Ask a question to see if you really understand what's being said to you or if you're jumping to conclusions and not really listening at all. Remember, effective communication makes your life easier and less stressful, so work on perfecting this most important skill.

Stress-Free Communication with your Kids

When your kids are little, they can't wait to share every bit of news they have with you - often in excruciating detail. As they grow up, they become less likely to share their thoughts and details about their lives. A case in point: "So, what did you do in school today?" The familiar response: "Nothing."

Sometimes, the best way to get your kids to open up to you is to play a game with them or to sit down beside them and work on a puzzle together or color pictures together. Any activity that allows you to just chat with each other in a non-threatening way beats an interrogation any day. And when you're standing over them asking all kinds of questions about their day, it can seem like an interrogation to them. Instead, while you're playing catch, coloring, changing a doll's clothes, share something that happened in your day. Pretty soon they'll be chattering away, letting you know what's going on in their world, who's still friends with whom, who got a time out from the teacher, etc.

Even when there isn't much to tell, you can still work or play, side by side, enjoying a companionable silence. You're spending time together, and your child knows you're there, ready to listen to them if they need to talk.